


Don't Say No

by atkluna



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Broken Engagement, Drabble, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Post-Break Up, References to Depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-03
Updated: 2021-01-03
Packaged: 2021-03-13 03:47:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28521876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/atkluna/pseuds/atkluna
Summary: “Do i make you feel things?”“You’re the feeling I’m trying to replace,” Jaemin admits.
Relationships: Lee Jeno/Na Jaemin
Kudos: 11





	Don't Say No

This scene has become all too familiar. Jaemin sits on the kitchen floor with a $7 bottle of merlot in one hand and his eyes are fixated on the scented candle placed just a few feet away from his feet. He’s transfixed on the sound of wood wicks burning and the smell of bourbon vanilla. His vision is blurry- whether its from the intoxication or the tears he doesn’t know. The last few drops in his bottle don’t leave him satisfied but he can’t bring himself to get up and open another. The bitter taste makes him grimace but he welcomes it. Its the only thing that gives him any kind of feeling.

“Hey,” Jeno greets softly and he settles down right beside Jaemin. His eyes are kind and smiles so genuinely. There’s no pity or disappointment- just willingness to comfort. Jaemin wishes he could change that but he can’t no matter what he does.

“Rough day?”

“I don’t know,” Jaemin slurs. “I can’t remember.”

“Do you remember who i am at least?” Jeno asks jokingly.

Jaemin doesn’t answer right away. His blank eyes scan over the others face in fascination- as if he hadn’t already permanently engraved the handsome features in his mind. He wishes he could forget though. It’d make it a lot easier to push him away.

“Donghyuck called today,” Jeno continues in an effort to fill the silence with something other than loneliness. “Do you wanna go to dinner at his place this weekend? The whole gang will be there.”

Jaemin redirects his gaze to the empty bottle stil in his grip. He would’ve gotten another if he had known this is where the conversation was heading.

“I can’t make it.”

“Yeah?” Jeno quirks his eyebrow playfully. “You got a date or something?”

Jaemin scoffs. “I haven't had a date since you broke up with me.”

“At least you still take the time to romance yourself ,” Jeno signals to the crackling flame. “You spend more money on your candles than your wine.”

Jaemin wiggles his toes with mild desperation. “I need them to feels things.”

Jeno leans his head on Jaemin’s shoulder and averts the attention to their sock clad feet. He nudges the others foot slightly. “Do i make you feel things?”

“You’re the feeling I'm trying to replace,” Jaemin admits. From the moment they met he’s been overwhelmed by the other’s mere existence. Jeno with his gentle caresses and hopeful stares. Even now in his muddled state of drunkeness he can sense the question that’s lingering on the tip of the other’s tongue.

_“Don’t you at least wanna try?”_

_“I don’t have time, Jeno.”_

_“We can move the wedding to next year baby, but right now you need help!” he tried to reason._

_“I’d rather stay home with you baby,” jaemin tried to convince. “I don’t have ten weeks to waste and i don’t want our friends to think I’m on the edge.”_

_“You can get better,” his voice cracked from the pleading. “They can help you fix your problem.”_

_Jaemin frowned. “You don’t think I'm good enough for you, do you?”_

_“No, love. That’s not it. That’s never been it.” Jeno stepped in closer and grabbed the other’s face between his hands. “It’s you! You’re the one who doesn’t think they’re good enough!”_

_Jaemins eyes began to water but he couldn’t bring himself to look away from the forced eye contact. “We’ve tried this before,” he said between sniffs. “What else can they do? I know I’m depressed and i know i have a problem. There’s nothing else they can teach me that i don’t already know.”_

_Jeno’s thumb gently wiped away his fiancée’s tears. “You’ve already lost yourself, Jaemin. I don’t want to lose you, too.”_

_“Im here. I’m right here,” Jaemin emphasizes. “I’m here, I’m yours and I'm_ fine _.”_

_“You can’t just put aside your pride? Even for me?” Jeno tried to bargain._

_“I don’t ever wanna drink again. i wont!” Jaemin promised._

_Jeno let his arms drop in defeat. “You can lie to yourself but you can’t lie to me.”_

_  
“_ Do they even know?” Jaemin asks before Jeno can make a rebuttal.

“I- what?” Jeno sits up straight with a confused laced expression.

“Donghyuck, Renjun, Mark, Chenle, Jisung and everyone else. Do they even know we broke up?”

“No,” Jeno confesses. “I told everyone we postponed the wedding so we can save up more money.”

Jaemin laughs bitterly. “And they believed that bullshit?”

“Well what did you want me to say? That i broke off our engagement because my future husband refuses to go to rehab?” Jeno scowls. “I thought you cared about what they think of you.”

Jaemin groans. His hands grab fistfulls of his blue hair in frustration. “I’m too drunk for this shit,” he mumbles.

“And I’m too tired,” Jeno shoots back before he raises up off the floor. “Do you need me to take you to bed or you gonna stay here?”

“Just go,” Jaemin waves him off without looking up.

“Whatever you say,” Jeno surrenders. He makes his way to the doorway, and like always, he pauses and looks over at the boy slumped on kitchen tiles. “Goodnight Jaemin. I love you.”

He’ll carry heavy footsteps and an even heavier heart into their bedroom and tuck himself under sheets that smell like Jaemin’s favorite fabric softener. Its another night of defeat but tomorrow he’ll try again. He’ll try again and again for the rest of life if he has to.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the result of too much Jeno/Jaemin content and Amy Winehouse records on repeat at the same time. Also the first thing I’ve written in about three years. Who would’ve known it took two beautiful boys to motivate me to write again?


End file.
